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The life of a legend

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"The angels do not sing for me here, and their voices are only a distant cry within clouded thoughts which I cannot let go,nor would I. The a capella of my demons is like sweet music, & bitter screaming all together in an opera made for no one."
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Life has been bumpy. The road has always been hard.
i dont think i have a memory that isnt tied to 4 other bad ones.
But thats life, thats what all the people say. My girlfriend of
a year and a half left me recently. I had planned to move to D.C
and live with her when i graduate in may. It crushed me. it still
is in my head. its sad. i have tried to move on and forget. we havent
talked at all. but i still know that if she wanted me back i would
do it. i loved what we had so much. i dont think i will ever get that
back. I know a lot of people that break up say things like that. My chest
still hurts when i think of her. she was so deep in my heart. it was
the first time i ever let my defenses down and truly let someone in. i
think thats the biggest problem. i dont know if i will ever be that
comfortable with anyone ever again. I wanted that relationship to work so bad.
i sacrificed everything i could. Shes the only person i have ever cried for.
i never cry but thats how moved i was and how bad i wanted it to work. I was
ready to buy a ring when i got my job later this year. it was so great, it
was in one word perfect. then it fell apart and i finally realized i didnt have
control over anything, and it fucking sucked. if i had to pick one moment of
my life that i hate the most that was it. its so sad.

I have so many good things going in my life. A lot of people care about me. I have a loving family that i am so thankful for. I mean we arent the perfect example of a family but at the end of the day they are my blood and i am theres and we will fight for one another. My mom is so sweet bless her heart. but shes sick and shes lost a lot of weight and everytime i see her im afraid it will be the last time. my dad has always been there for me and has paid for almost everything in my life. i wont have any debt when i graduate college in may. i will be able to get a job and start life with a clean slate. which is amazing. The only problem is i dont think he knows who i am at all. i mean we think the same and have a lot of the same interests but i mean i dont think he will ever truly know who i am and i wish we had that connection. my brother finally seems to have his life together. i dont understand how his mind operates i dont know if hes happy, but if i had his life i would be dead. i wouldnt have been able to take it. i know more than once my life has pushed me to that brink so far im glad i havent taken the fall. well shit i just got a phone call and forgot where this was going. so peace.
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written and transcribed from the depths of my head
merely words on pages
text on a screen
never seen
never said
never read

thoughts feelings phrases
happiness anger depression
obsession anything can be conjured
whats your pleasure

mind for hire
alone a-top of a high wire
no net
ready set lets go

shadows and dust
thats all we will be
the end, dead
but what of the in between
love, life, and the american dream

one day it becomes a nightmare
and no one is there
just you and your
fear.....

Current Location:
The swamp
Current Music:
Alice Cooper Poison
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Fuck my life, its fucking terrible. No one will read this, no one will care.....
* * *
So here is a thing I stole

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) Get married
2.) have children
3.) see the world

Three Names You Go By:
1.) Joe
2.) joseph
3.) joey d

Three Screen Names You Have Had:


1.) deathnstuff
2.) jdfrommv
3.) {T.o.o.l.} BoneSAW

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) Hair
2.) Smile
3.) Body

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) Loneliness
2.) being poor
3.) not living up

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) Computer
2.) internet
3.) phone

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) Jeans
2.) Hat.
3.) Boots

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) Death cab for cutie
2.) Weezer
3.) Flobots

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) Bullet with butterfly wings by smashing pumpkins
2.) Zzyzx road by stone sour
3.) in this river Black label society

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) Respect
2.) Trust
3.) Honesty

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) i play wow
2.) i cant wait to go chill with chris and justin
3.) i own a convertable

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1.) Ass
2.) eyes
3.) smile

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) Gaming
2.) working out
3.) Sleep

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) Leave work
2.) sleep
3.) be with sarah

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Pro. Gamer
2.) Business owner
3.) Chemist


Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Russia.
2.) Greece
3.) Paris

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1.) I like to be clean/well groomed.
2.) I love buying new clothes.
3.) i like "happy" music

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) I swear constantly.
2.) I am insensitive
3.) I am overly blunt and harsh.
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Hmm where to start its been a while since i posted and i know
that no one is reading this so anything i write will just be for
myself to get it off the chest. So i guess i will just start writing and see where it takes me as it is always best to see where life takes you rather than trying to lead it there because you will just get disappointed at where you are.

Friends

First and foremost i miss my friends. I was always in a big hurry to get out of high school because frankly high school was one head ache after another and i always felt i was destined for bigger and better things and i was. I am going to be a senior in college have another degree under my belt and i couldnt give a rats ass. i am happy dont get me wrong and i worked hard to get where i am. but i am the happiest when i am sitting with my boys, MY FAMILY the only individuals whom have ever sereved as what i feel is a family. I mean Dan, David, Kevin, Randy, Tyler and david they all have really hard lives they work hard in a factory or other shit job just to have a few bucks to their name and it sucks. I know im doing good things and im doing the things that i should with my life but for some weird reason i feel i just be right beside them at their job. I guess i somehow feel that i abandoned my friends and im not sure how i feel about that.

Career

Things are going great im on track to get my degree in 4 years from college better than my sister did im very proud and hey look my gpa isnt half bad talk about doing it up son. I currently work at BASF corp. which is the number one chemical company in the WORLD i am so happy and i love the things i am doing. i am great at what i do, i dont know how or why but chemistry just clicks and i am great with my hands so yeah. I mean i am making connections at a global level company that could set me up for LIFE yea thats right im talking a career money for grad school retirement a nice house shit man i cant believe it but i grew up its kinda a scary thought.

Love

For the first time in my life i have a stable love life. i dont have to fool myself thinking i have a good girl friend at night. because i actually do have one. For the first time i actually trust a female in my life. Not just any female. Sarah is great. shes so motivated and into life. I am always happy when i am with her and now i know that its ok to be happy when im not. She really changed my view of life and how things are and should be. i am worried though she got a two year fellowship in washington DC i love Dc. i am contemplating moving out there to be with her after i graduate right now it seems that a marriage may be in life for joey d soon. scary i know ne ways im not sure what else to say and i need to be up for work early tomorrow so im out.
Current Music:
Led zeppelin going to california
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it is written that we were all created in the image of god. some people need to look at themselves in the mirror and evaluate that image. Lets just say it doesn't fit its inspiration.
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Alright so im probably going to rant a little bit here so if you mind hit the little X in the top right corner of the window Now!

So next week i have spring break key word in the statement is "break"
Definition of Break

Break: to take a rest period from work or an activity

Well its exactly one week from when break starts and homework over a break period is already stacking up. I found this to be rather curious because the purpose of a break predefined above is to take a rest. So let me get this straight the school gives me a period to take a break but my course work keeps up such that i have to maintain the work and activity i normally do when i am in session at school. So where exactly did my professors get confused when the term break was explained to them? i mean the definition is a whole 10 words not that complicated (at least not in comparison to some of the content they teach).

So this morning when my Analytical Chemistry teacher begins to define the requirements of the class over the break period i raise my hand in hopes to explain what spring break is for. Although i am not similar to some of my colleagues going to hot spots such as Mexico, but none the less i would like some time to just sit and "chill" as my generation says. Instead im going to be stressed scrambling to do work that i have limited resources to complete.

This all builds to my point of problems in America. This is one of them. We wonder why midlife crisis exists, why we have so many medications for so many problems, we wonder why people get burnt out and become worthless at life, we wonder why heart attacks are on the rise, we wonder why stress complexes exist. Well it all has to do with our in ability to take a "break" from the stressful environment wee have to battle with on a daily basis. I say battle because everyday in my life is a war, this is probably true for many people in America. All i am saying is that its not wrong to take a step back once and a while and "chill."

Im tired of conditions that this society creates, and i will not given in and be run over by the machine. This break i will be enjoying myself. I will be in the arms of one i love, i will play the guitar until i pass out. I will pursue my happiness. Because it is my right. So i urge you put down the school books, unwind, make that bad decision because in the end it may be the one decision that you made that was right.

Enjoy life.
Current Location:
Olivet College
Current Mood:
aggravated aggravated
Current Music:
Patiently Waiting by 50 Cent.
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Never good enough...... the goals are always just beyond reach the aims are always noble. its as if i am an angel whom finally got there wings and as he jumps into the air they are torn away from my body. i put in so much effort. so much spirit so much emotion so much enthusiasm and what do i get for it? what happens in the end. it is all for naught my friend. it is all for nothing and where am i left i am merely left behind in the dust with the emptiness lost to lust. so what excatly should i do? if this is the world i live in what is the point of trying why do i strive to do so well to be shot down each and every time? WHY tell me mother fucker you tell me sometimes i dont even believe the bullshit...... its all for something more something more some times i feel this is merely a hollow promise and what do i do with that now that i know the world for the whore that she is? WHAT??????
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hey guys whats up. i am still around. This week is show time so if you each night and it is are around olivet college on thursday, friday or saturday at 7:30 we go on the show is free so feel free to come see me being a badass as always. tiff and liz said they would come i cant wait ne ways im out peace.

My deamons, my fears, welcome home,
They are here again they are attacking me now
no sword, no rifle, no way to stifle the damage they have done

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